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| i wanna watch you undress threw the key hole, and make you cum like never before. |
[Friday
November 18th, 2005] |
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so i haven't enters lately, im in class, im going to riveredge tonight with talia, we get drunk every weekend. mhm. life has been pretty good, we plasy the hook up game constantly. yeah lol, i really like someone alot. hes really cute. last weekend, i went to the mall, got drunk, nest day went to ridgewood did the same, hooked up with people, then next day went to see my american heart, hungr out with them, and then the next day went to chiodos and danced my ass off, lol srsly best weekend. this weekened it prolly going to be as good, im getting a tattoo next week too, im mad excited. well, tonight should be really good, im going to see the love of my life :) ha. gayyyy whatever. um yeah i get to go with talia, meg, and marissa. this should be quit fun, but idk, i hope i get with this one guy too. blah blah blah
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| i'll be the ashtray to love's unfiltered cigarettes. |
[Sunday
October 30th, 2005] |
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mood |
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 silly |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Daughters. |
] |
okie, well i havent talked in here for a realyl long time. well this weekend was really good. me & talia have been hanging out alot more and shit. friday we went to gsp and met up with chris & megan then saw kieth & alex x core. soo much fun talia left to go to a party & i stayed with chris mayer. we hung out and went shopping. then yesterday me & talia & meg went to the maywood show. and partied. we drank everclear & vodka. sooo funny. holly got mad sick tho. we took care of her. everything was good. after the show ended at liek 9 30... everyone came back to my house and chilled. dan, steve, billy, meg, talia and me all chilled. halo was played. and diablo2. ahhahahahah we watched the sixth sense too. HAHAHHA. yeah anyway, today i went to oakland with talia & we picked up sean on the way. when we got there we met up with madd people. i left with sean. and we jsut walked around oakland aimlessly. it was mad cute. talia took pictures of me & him kissing. it was sooooooo cute. i got pooped on by a bird. & i sat in mud. soo gross. anyway, it was good. Sean got called an emo fag by all these ghetto kids. and it was really funny. i held him back from fucking killing them. lolololol so yeah, its goosey night tonight, and i think im going out!! :)
pictures later..
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| you were pure like raindrops. |
[Monday
October 10th, 2005] |
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mood |
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 apathetic |
] |
so im in mr, yoaks class and me an talia had an amazing weekend. friday going to the mall getting drunk and hangining out with jonce. coming home at 5 in the morning. saturday going to the mall and washinton townshop and getting more drunk, i hooked up with 11 girls and ben LOL. i danced in the rain, and smoked way too much. i threw up to, i got soo sick. and then i went home and slept and sunday i went to the diner with talia. me talia and marissa now have a group. [JTM] LOL. hahahaha yay for getting drunk, ill get into detail more when i get home im watching some movie in this class, that were getting graded on. i love someone alot.
we were kind of perfect
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| you are the blood in my veins. |
[Sunday
September 18th, 2005] |
| [ |
mood |
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 crappy |
] |
| [ |
music |
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brand new |
] |
so yeah i couldn't wit until saturday, and it finally came last night and everything went wrong. i was supose to hang out with the boy i didn't see in five weeks and he got mad at me for no reason. i wanted to cry. but sean was with me for alot of the night and we talked alot, and kept going for walks. nicole and kt were getting drunk, and i saw my girlfriend, who was also drunk. so it wasnt too bad. we watched this 10 yr old mosh. and i almost peed myself. me and sean sat outside on the grass and watched the moon move between the clouds it was really cute. but yeah still i was kinda upset. i really like this one guy. ugh i really suck at life but whatever. next weekend will be a hell of alot better than this one. i dont need anymore drama then what i have no so im gunna end alot of bullshit. anyway. today i gotta do school shit that i missed for the 2 days i was out last week. and everything should be alright. i want to fix things and go back, i had a dream about this guy and it was really good. so hopefully thats a sign that everythings not totally horrible. anyway im gunna do school work so i can get good grade for first marking period. and i get mah monroe :) haha. im queer. i love him. end of story. bye<33
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[Thursday
September 15th, 2005] |
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mood |
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depressed |
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music |
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tegan and sara |
] |
so last night i spent half of my night in the fair lawn police station then the paramus council court or whatever things are bad. im sick now. i didn't go to school today. im glad i have him. he helped me threw alot lately. i miss him alot its been almost 5 weeks since ive seen him. its soo sad. things are so crazy. i slept maybe 4 hours. the past two days. it sucks. i doubt im gunan go to school tomorrow. please don't comment me about what happend. i won't tell you. um yeah so i've been crying alot. and everything. i cant wait till saturday. i get to see him :D so im happy about that. but alot of stuff is going to change from now on. i really wish he was here to cuddle with me and stuff everything is so crazy i keep saying that but its true. i dont know what to do anymore. i wanna just break down and cry. i need to sleep. i need to eat. i feel like i wanna throw up. i cant breath. im constantly shaking. and i dont know weather to wipe my eyes or blow my nose. everything soo fucking retarted. ugh. someone help me, cheer me up, something? bye.
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[Sunday
September 11th, 2005] |
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mood |
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 horny |
] |
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music |
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this providence |
] |
so yeah school started and its ok. friday i was supose to go to see the number twelve and a love like pi. and stuff. my brother was supose to take me. so i got home from school took a shower and got ready and he told me he had to go put money into the bank. so i said okay.. come back and bring me. and he agreed. so like 45 mins goes by and its like.. 545. and the shows starts at 530. and im like mark where you at. and he says at the bbank so i say ok and wait longer... its like 6 20 and he still isnt home so i call him and well he yells and says he cant take me. so ii go and ask my father and hes like. let me shower and go out to eat. and then ill take you. i got pissed and said fuck it. then my bro in law took me to wendys and i sat home on a friday night eating wendys and watching movies alone. then yesterday. [saturday] i went to the garfeild american legion and hung out with andy and geatana. lol the vanity scene played and me a geatana threwdown ghetto style. it was funny. then i went home and slept. i had an amazing dream about an amazing boy. and well yeah it made me really happy. [if you are reading this.. your amazing ;)]then my dad came home with bagels and got me a salt bagel. that made me even happier. so my days going really well. and i wanna go out. bleh. lol. comment on this cuase im really happy.
this is for myspace people.
[ blog. ]
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| i should of known. |
[Wednesday
September 7th, 2005] |
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mood |
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 irritated |
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music |
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rilo kiley |
] |
so today was the first day of school.
SCHEDULE;
homeroom; NOTCETi
first period; ALEGEBRA-NOCETi
second period; HISTORY-BRONZiNA
third period; FOODS-DEOCK
fourth period; SPANiSH- FREiDMAN
fifth period; ENGLiSH-SLENDER
------3rd lunch-----
sixth period; ARCHiTECTURE-YOAK
seventh period;SCiENCE-TEMME
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[Saturday
September 3rd, 2005] |
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music |
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jacks mannequin |
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well last night was amazing. i went to see paramore with talia and they were fucking great and we hung out with them at the end of the night. yup it was fun. okay soo me &talia wanted to go to the city today so we went to the mall at 1 insted of 12. and she called joel &friends and they wanted to come too. so we waited for them at it was 2. we were waiting at the bus stop and our bus came. and we got on and they sed they were right there. and the doors closed. so we were like FUCK. and they caught the next bus. we got to port athority and we saw 2 pimps. and they asked us how old we were and were like 12. LOL they walked away. then we took the subway. it got shut down while we were on it. some guy was walking on the tracks try to comit suicide. so we were stuck there with no power for like an hour and half. by then it was like 430. we were fucked. then it finally started going and we got off at 14th. and i remember when i went and got my belly button it was on 14th&6th so we went there. and coudlnt find it. we were all sooo pissed. i called MIKESPACE and asked him and he said it wwas on 8th so we were walking back. and it was like 545. LOL talias mom called and sed she was picking us up at the mall at 6 15. so we tryed to make and excuse to tell her mom. and she cracked. and told her she was in the city. her mom freaked. and made us leave we got back onto the subway. and then onto the bus. and went back to the mall. lol talias mom & dad came. and i stayed with everyone else. then i saw sean and we were supose to hang out so we did. we went to ruelh or whatever "rule" and hung on the couches and made out. and well the guy that worked there was like he guys i use to do that before i got a job here and it was really awkward. so we left. we walked around and saw the lead singer or armor for sleep. which was pretty chill. well yeah i was supose to get clothes and didn't. now im home. and if my mom finds out about ny. my brothers covering and saying he new [hes 18] yeah so im happy. but i still have 120 to get clothes. im mad about that. oh well...
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[Sunday
August 28th, 2005] |
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mood |
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giggly |
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music |
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joey cape |
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so yesterday i went to gsp and met up with jess it was soo fucking funny. we went into bp and tryed to steal shirts but they were madd ugly so we went to some weird story that only jess fit into and well she got this cute shirt then we met up with barty and mike. lololol sooooo odd man. them someone came by and i made fun of jess for it. yeah this entry makes no sense what so ever but oh well. yeah so then we followed this person. jess and i also went to every photobooth int he mall and took pictures. and met some weird mexican from mexico. LOL it was funny as hell we couldn't under stnad him. and yeah then we had to leave so i said bye to my sister and went home. and when i got home my brother was asking me wehre my boyfriend was and why he wasnt over for the bbq. and i laughed. he told all of his friends that i was going out with a 17yr old. LOL and my mom didnt even care. i was soo confused. then we all chilled in the front and my brother fixed his new car. mhm. it was iight. i also had a talk with kate about sex. lol we argued for like an hour. lol over like nothing. haha it was classic. yeah so im going to ridgewood tonight and/or watching the MTV VMA'S WITH VANESSA. word.
i love mah sisda.
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| A broken Heart is not what i wanted from this |
[Saturday
August 27th, 2005] |
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mood |
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depressed |
] |
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music |
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across five aprils |
] |
well. today ryan came over and took me for a drive and we went and got ice cream and hung out and we sat in his car and listened to music. and he sang to me. it was soo cute. he actually made me happy. i havent been this past week. but yeah i keep thinking of this guy. so basically i feel like shit now. you made me attached to you. we spent like a month together it was only you. and i hoenstly fell for you and now i dont know what to do with myself. i think about you constantly and its really starting to get to me. i need to see you. i miss you alot. babe if you only felt this way. ....[thats for someone.] he knows who he is. so im sitting here listening to this 'song' that ryan made me download. it makes me think alot about the problem im having. :(
read it
Incomplete and total adoration
my gift to you my heart was yours
ten weeks you shaped it in one night you murdered it
torn from my chest im layed at your feet
that first step you took was the worst
since then you've walked a thousand miles
in silence short of a mark i still have these memories
but we will never see what we could have been
remember when we talked about where we would be in a one year from now
remember when u held my hand like youd never let it go
rememeber cause thats all you can do
well never make another memory
I iwsh i would have died in your amrs the last time we were together
so i wouldnt have to wait with out you today
this time i thought things were real
you said they were what happend..
you were a priority was i an option
i let you see a side i dont share with anyone
Promises are just word unless they are fufilled
And here from the beginning all i had to offer was my heart
Im sorry that wasnt enough
So we will go our own ways and
hopefully you will remember the things i told you
Hopefully youll understand that everyhting i said was in Scincerity
A broken Heart is not what i wanted from this
but i guess ive learned from this
But arent you supposed to learn from your mistakes
I dont consider this a mistake
I just wish the story didnt end this way
Cause im still in love with the person helped me write it
Remember when u held my hand Like youd never let it go
Remember when we talked about where wed be a year from now
yep i wish i could still be happy and thinking of ryan cuase i miss his smile. and he really took my mind off alot tonight. im going to bed. night everyone...
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[Sunday
August 21st, 2005] |
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hmm so where do i begin, wensday i went to ridgewood with brian and met up with allie and people. it was good. everytime im witht them its good. then we got bored and drove around for like 5 mins. and then i had to go. so he walked me to the car and well. everyone was smoking pot. it was reallly funny. but yeah it was a good night for me. then, thursday wasn't any big deal i kinda sat home then my best friend and i decided to play night tennis. LOL hellogoodbye style. it was hella fun. yep. haha its kinda sad. yeah then friday, was the archer show. so i woke up at like 10 and took a shower and my biffers asked me to go to the mall withh her. so i got done by 12. and went. we walked around and i loooked for clothes to wear to archer, of course nothng fits me so i didnt get anything. i was soo pissed. yeah then i came home at 530. and left to archer. when i got there i saw joe and said hey and said hi to nicole, chelsea, mary, and jess. yeah then i saw brian and gave him a hug and stuff. i went and got my braclet and then peter showed up. he was soo drunk. the entire night he was all over me and people were like "are you with that nasty indian kid" and it was all cuase he was drunk. yeah that pissed me off. then i went with people to the train station to go pick up sean and keith and ended up getting drenched in the fucking rain. and they didnt come. so we ran, in the rain, to mc donalds. and i saw people i new and gave soaking wet hugs. yep. then everyone went back to archer and stuff. i hung out with allie for a while and then i saw sean and kieth walking. i ran up to sean and hugged him, i missed him alot. :( yeah. so then we all hung out and went inside to see stafford. they were madd good yo. keith got hit in the lip, and lots the left side of his snake bites. i felt really bad. so i went back outside after they played and hung out side. it was boring so on my way up the stairs stupid jefferz tripped me and i almost broke my face. but whatever. yeah i went inside and stuff. my sister called me at like 9 30 and said that she was on her way.. and ended up getting ther like 5 mins later i was soo mad. so i had to leave and i gave sean a kiss goodbye. and said bye to brian and his little sister. and then went to say by to rob & pete. and pete made a age joke on me. so i hit him across the face and punched his arms a few times and then chased after him. rofl. yeah it was pretty stupid. then i left and went home. i went to bed madddd early. like 1130.. yeah. bleh so yeah yesterday i got into a fight with "someone" cause i kissed sean goodbye. and i was honest and told him. but oh well were good again. i dont have feeling for sean. only for.. "him"? lol yeah. so i just woke up. and im writing all of this. im dying my hair today back to brown. and then maybe the red today? maybe.
leave me some cute comments plz
bye♥
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[Monday
August 15th, 2005] |
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mood |
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cranky |
] |
| [ |
music |
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anberlin |
] |
hmm so what should i say in this one. yeah well my moods change alot if you haven't realized. im happy & then im completly miserable. well, last night i rented a video fast time at ridgemont high school it was pretty good i love movies from the 80's. my mom went and bought me popcorn. we had a hugge thunderstorm during the day and lightning hit my nieghbors house and well, the fire dept. came yeah it was pretty sick. well, as for yesterday and this morning i was happy. yep. but tonight made me really upset. and i cryed for about an hour and a half. which pretty much sucks. if u read my entry about the boy i was "in love" with. yeah he imed me today and i told him i kissed another guy and got pissed at me. and told me that he really does have feelings for me and thought we were jus tme & him but yeah. i didnt know and it got me soo upset. i just crying and cryed. i didnt know what to do. i just slept about an hour and tryed to calm down. it really sucks. i still love him soo much but i just want it to not get carried away & i don't want to get attached. but whatever ill do anything for him and i prolly cant live without him. i didnt talk to him for an entire once and i totally freaked, yep sucks right? i should really stop whining in here but its true. oh well. i get to go to the doctor tomorrow and get blood taken!! WHOOT. i really miss sean too. i spooned out my next from the hickey, its barely even there. im happy about that. but yeah i get to wake up at 9 tomorrow shower adn get to the doctor at 10. yipp-dee-fucking-doo!! i hope i dont have mono. ill be really upset. but anyway. show friday at archer. :D that makes me happy. okay well. im gunna go listen to some more anblerin since a song has the Exact feeling written, as i feel. YUP. okay bye <3
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| Somehow everything's gona fall right in to place |
[Sunday
August 14th, 2005] |
| [ |
mood |
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flirty |
] |
| [ |
music |
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paramore |
] |
so yesterday i went to the show in washinton township with talia and had a really good time. i danced alot and i was soo hyper. and i made up with my friend andrew. yeah it was a really good night. then today i went out to eat with my family. and i talked to my parents about dying my hair and they said yes to me dying it albern. [redish] yep. im really excited. so yeah we ate dinner. and then left and i came home. i really wanted to go to garfield show tonight but i couldn't. so taliaa called me and asked me to go to oakland. and i asked my dad and he said maybe. and then she called bakc and said we were going to ridgewood. so me & my dad went and picked up talia, cope, & julia and went there. so while we were walking i see keith. and im like "omg i hope sean's with him!!!" and i walk over there and i see sean and i run up and give him a huge hug. i was soooo happy to see him. then talia and the girl went for a walk with keith and i sat with sean and we talked. it was amazing. then it was 10;30 and cope's mom came and i didnt wanna leave since i was having such a good time with sean so i let them leave and me and sean and keith stayed in the park in ridgewood. after a while keith got bored and went with joe mecka to starbucks. so then it was just me and sean and well yeah hes a cutie so i kissed him. it was really good. he took the risk of getting mono. i feel soo bad. but anyway he gave me a hickey. hehe so then after an hour with him my grandma came and picked me up and then i got home and covered it up and now im here writing in my livejournal about how freaken good my night was!! :D k well. im done. <3
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| you never said this wasn't what you wanted, was it? |
[Friday
August 12th, 2005] |
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mood |
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angry |
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music |
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paramore |
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okay so since you wont listen to me i'll write what i feel in here and hope you can understand what im going threw. well i thought you were so amazing and i wanted to get to know you well. everything i did revolved around you. your the highlight of my days. and i was loving it. everytime i'd came online i'd go to you screen name first and IM you. and ask you how things were. you made me smile. ive never been upset around you. &you know that. ever since the day that i met you i felt some sort of a connection. and even you told me you did. now that we finally are close. im happy. but now that we are doing things im getting attached. and i just wanna stay friends with you. and everytime you tell me about another girl. i tell you im happy for you. even tho im really dying inside. i wanna be the girl that your with and i cant be. im selfish, i've realized. and i want your attention. the other night i thought that what happend would bring us closer. but it seemed like it was normal for you. and it ment nothing. you constantly think im lying to you. and you cant trust me. i've never been so honest. so yeah i lied a few times. but it wasnt something HUGE. what im really trying to say to you is that i really do love you and i wish it could be the way i wanted it to. but now we dont talk and it seems as if you hate me. im sorry. if you feel this way PLEASE TELL ME. i dont now what else to say to you. bye.
♥
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| tell me you love me like you want to be loved. |
[Tuesday
August 9th, 2005] |
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mood |
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crappy |
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music |
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tegan & sara |
] |
hey, so i had a really good day yesterday. i went to the mall with brian and we hung out with people.we were on a mission to find him a white zip up hoodie. but failed miserably.haha but everyone was talking about myspace. it was horrible. adn then i got called a scene slut by rob money &kevin. i hate them soo much. and i got hugs from sean :D he made me really happy. then we got bored and we went to ridgewood and hung out it was fun. then today i went to the mall with OH MISS DERRIS. lol yeah and we are some awesome shoppers we went to JCPenny's and got batman t shirts and spiderman shirts. lol then i got a white hoodie from H&M and she got a brown shirt lol yeah. we saw like soo many myspace people it was redicilous. yeah then i came home and stuff and i found a lump on my neck and i showed my mom and she said it was a swollen gland and im like hmm and she said she'd take me to the doctor. and then like an hour i found another one on the other side and i freaked. and i showed her. and then shes like. have you been tired lately? and i said yes cuz i have been very tired. and shes like i think you might have mono. cuase i had like a smiliar case a few years ago, but it wasnt. so shes like yeah i bet you have it. and then i had to tell her who i kissed. and shes like wow. ill bet you 50$bucks you have it. and then i started crying and it was really bad. im soo freaked out &and i hope that i don't have it. yeah so i just wanted to update. hope &pray i dont have mono plz.<3 haha okay byee<33
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[Sunday
August 7th, 2005] |
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mood |
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 bouncy |
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music |
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gravy train |
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hey. so yeah its sunday. and i never really go out on sundays which sucks. haha so yeah i stayed in again and it was pretty good even tho i only i talked to people online. but i went to the dinner with my sister and we ate and then i came home and we had a party for my mom cuase she listed 6 houses [shes in realistate] but yeah that was okay. i pretty much sat there haha. then i went back into my room and did some drawing. what i do best yep. i drew a barbies a skank in grafitii it was pretty chill. so now im sitting here listening to "playing favorites" by the starting line which is pretty queer but whatever. i just happend to click it while i was going threw my music. oh and it made me think of the dream i had last night. well this is what happend; i was on the phone with my friend mike and him & this kid chris called and said they were in california and wanted to hang out. so i asked my dad to drive me there and let me han out with him. and he did. it was really weird. but yeah. i went to cali? haha. yeah theres more but im to lazy to tell you all teh spiffy details haha. mhmm so i had a pretty okay day. i also forgot to say that my hair &make up came out really good today and i danced to gravy train while i did my hair &make up.
it was really funny haha yeah. im gunna go listen to some gravy train now. and continue having a good day.. only 22 minutes left and the days over!
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| you are the smell before rain |
[Saturday
August 6th, 2005] |
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mood |
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lonely |
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music |
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brand new |
] |
hey, so yesterday i stayed home. and i watched some movies. and ordered chinese food. i had a pretty good time alone. then i got bored around 8 and my neighbor called me and asked me to go out for a wlak with him. so we went out for 2 hours around fair lawn walking around. he took me to brookdale and we chilled for a while. i came home at like 10 and then came online. i was in a bad mood by then. i yelled at my best friend over the internet and hes really upset at me. i've told him im sorry so many time. i dont think he will forgive me this time. im a bitch and i hate it. i wish i could change. and now im sitting here thinking about everything i did wrong. and i wrote a letter last night. about how much i care about this boy i freaked out on and i really love him and it hurts me. then i went to sleep crying. i was told im a needy girl. and i need attention. its true. i need to change. i've been going threw soo much. but yeah im sitting here reading the letter i wrote. and it made me wanna write an entry. and im listening to brand new-the boy who block his own shot. and its making me feel worse. but i need to let my anger out insted of holding it all inside.
byee<3
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| shallow water blackout |
[Thursday
August 4th, 2005] |
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mood |
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ecstatic |
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music |
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paramore |
] |
hey, so i havent written in here in a really long time but anyway. yesterday i went to gsp with jessie RIOT, r$b money, and kevin. we parking lot moshed it up, it was soo hot. LOL i took madd picture too. jessie stole a blue hoodie from h&m. and shes madd proud of it too. at night we went back to rob and kevin layed on me and played video games with rob. and jessie hogged the fucking computer and wouldnt let me on it. LOL yeah so.. today frankie THRASh and jessie RIOT are coming to pick me up and take me to gsp and jessie is gunna get me a black hoodie from h&m. werd. so yeah. im pretty bored right now. im listening to paramore. cuz there madd good yo. yep. and getting ready. ill post pictures later.
peacee
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| new one?! |
[Monday
June 6th, 2005] |
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mood |
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crappy |
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music |
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it dies today |
] |
hey so i have had a eljay for a while
but i didn't like the name
it was maddd old.
so now i got this one.
SUP?!x
kthnx.♥
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most recent entries |
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gun__accidentsx's journal
